needlebomb | inbox.

they can't keep them there forever, right?
like... you don't think they'll just leave them there to die
right?

do you think its worse to let someone die
or to do something to them they wouldn't want you to do just to save their life

[ that's a less vulgar way to put it, but. still. ]

for the record, i'd starve before i stabbed you
didn't that one dude go like three weeks without eating?
a week is nothing, man

i don't know.
i was just talking about this with someone else. fear is utilized as motivation here.
hard to say what they'll do and what they won't.

i have a very different relationship with death than you do. i don't think i can answer that honestly.
i don't know. what do you think?
also.
i feel the same.
a week is nothing. i've literally not eaten for a week before. i'd rather deal with the cramps and the nausea than hurt you.

some days i think this place isn't so bad even with all the bullshit rules
but then stuff like this happens - chaining people up and not letting them go until someone comes along and jersk them off or whatever whether they want it or not
and i find myself missing home a little bit
i thought king's was fucked up, but i guess it's not the worst place to be

[ maybe if he knew about finals, he'd think differently. ]

i don't know what i think
i don't think it's right to just stand by and watch someone die
i mean there are... exceptions, i guess
people like my dad
but i don't think you should put your hands on anyone, touch anyone like that without permission
consent is important
and i don't think, even if any of these people said yeah, sure, it's fine, that they'd really be consenting considering their options are to fry under the sun if it ever comes back out, possibly drown if the water gets high enough, starve to death - or let someone do whatever the want to do them

i don't know. it's gross.

[ ... ]

that being said, i also don't know if i could watch you die like that
like if there was something i could do
i'll starve for a week to dodge having to hurt you
but hurting someone and letting someone die are two different things, man

king's wasn't so bad. i mean, it was, and you of all people didn't deserve to be there, but.
it was better than the streets. better than sunset. it gave me you. willie. that made it all worth it.
at least i felt seen, there. not by the racist shit-for-brain snakes clogging the hallways, maybe, but lin thought i had some measure of potential.
nobody had ever said that to me before king's.

i agree with you, if it helps.
like i said.
king's was better than sunset.

[ but anyway, he doesn't want to keep talking about this — ]

i don't think it's ever going to get to that point. here or back home.
i've got your back for life, and you've got mine. we don't need to waste time worrying about — getting hurt, or facing that kind of death sentence.
we'll protect each other. always.
that's why we're best friends.

[ for a second, billy almost argues that getting praise from lin might not be a good thing, considering he's in the business of molding teenagers into assassins. sure, his goal, supposedly, is to take out all the corrupted shitheads of the world, which billy could easily get behind, it's just - his methods are a little fucked up. training kids to be killers is kind of hard to justify no matter which way you try to spin it.

but billy's not going to stomp all over that. if king's made marcus feel better about his life and about himself, then it's not billy's place to shoot that down. and marcus isn't wrong, to some extent; if billy hadn't been sent to king's, he wouldn't have met marcus, he wouldn't have met willie, maria. petra. he has friends, people he considers family. ]

yeah
i've always got you, man.
sorry, i'm just going kind of stir crazy here i guess
not a whole lot to think about.

oh yeah
i asked geralt a while back if i can build a mini halfpipe in my room and he said it's fine
hell probably regret it when it's done but the sooner i get it built the less time he has to change his mind

[ you throw a kid like marcus into an environment like king's, and they're going to respond. billy's right to suggest that praise from lin is cold, worthless and manipulative, but when marcus hasn't had a father figure since he watched his dad die... honestly, even now, that's something that he's vulnerable to. he's lucky he hasn't met anyone three times his age in duplicity. that would be messy, even by arguello standards.

but hey, he's always got billy. ]

it's okay. i'm sorry i can't be a better distraction.
this is probably why everyone turns to sex during the down time, around here.
what else are you supposed to do to distract yourself from being miserable?

other than building a mini halfpipe. let's talk about that.
we need to teach sugar daddy how to skate. i mean — this is a prime opportunity. we'll never get something like this again.
dungeons and dragons would be a way better game if the warriors knew how to ride skateboards.

dude, shut up
you're my best distraction
actually that sound shitty but you know what i mean

geralt would never step foot on a skateboard
you know i met him at that festival thing?
well technically i met him on the internet first but i met him in person at that huge party
and he was just standing there doing nothing. drinking and doing nothing and i tried to get him to mosh but he just wasn't having it
you'd probably have to pay him an insane amount of money to even try it
and i've only got like $1 to my name
actually, not even that, i promised a dollar to someone else

can't believe you just admitted point blank that you hate me.

you were strangers back then. now you're in a contract. he probably feels a little more comfortable around you now. might have loosened up a little.
i'll throw in some of my own money. i've got some saved up.
or you could promise to blow him. there's ways around this.
we just need to figure out what'll work.

yeah, totally, you're the worst

i'm not gonna take your money
i'm also not gonna promise to blow him
besides, the dude's gotta weigh like... 250 minimum
which i know probably wouldn't break my board but that's cutting it kind of close
one good or bad jump and that's it
she's getting kind of old, and if anyone's gonna send her off i want it to be me

shot through the heart. i'm bleeding out, here.

i'm starting to think you just don't want him to turn into this amazing skater that hogs your halfpipe all the time.

use your fancy bedsheets to staunch it

are you kidding
i would love for him to be fucking badass at skating
the dude dresses like he's part of some LARPing group
can you imagine that on a skateboard
i do only have one board, though
and i kind of like it
took me forever to save up for the green wheels

[ they were like - $20 for the set, but $20 in the early 80s was a lot, ok. especially when your dad was a piece of shit and was constantly pissing away every cent instead of looking after his family. ]

they're not that fancy.
they're second hand, i think. i'm staying with someone who used to be a sub, and i think these were bought for him by his old dom? i don't know.
i guess they're still pretty fancy, by our standards.
rats don't get silk, usually.

maybe we could find him another board? something sturdy. capable of balancing someone built like a brick house.
like i said, i have some money saved.
i'd totally spend it on him if doing so would make him like me.

hold on
hold on
people can switch what they are?
is that some big secret everyone's keeping?

hold on pt. 2
you're staying with a dom?
i mean i guess you would be, how else would you be in the up

[ they can talk about geralt fuckin shredding later. this is far more interesting to him, apparently ]

only once, i guess? that's what i've heard, at least.
i think it's kind of a crapshoot. i don't think there's a way to force it.
feels like winning the lottery, and, well. sorry to break it to you, but neither of us have had the best luck in the past.
i wouldn't get your hopes up.

yeah.
it's not a big deal. i don't know why you're surprised. i can make friends with doms.
despite being in a position of power, i don't think they're as universally repulsive as the rich kids at kings.
start freaking out if i make friends with sin guards.

Edited 2021-07-05 15:15 (UTC)

oh.
that makes more sense, i guess
i wasn't getting my hopes up, i just hadn't heard of that before
and it didn't make sense why people weren't just
switching to get themselves out of a shittier situation, you know

and i'm not freaking out
i just thought since you're like
pretty much anti-contract that you'd shoot down any dom who offered to help or whatever, suspect them of having ulterior motives, etc
but i guess you don't have to be contracted to crash at someone's place for a while

there wouldn't be any subs if people could just... do that.
well.
maybe there would be.
some of these people seem real god damn acclimatized.

like i said, this guy used to be a sub. makes him at least marginally more empathetic by default. at least in theory.
and... the alternative would be getting stuck in the down. right? so.

[ "also, i've been contracted with tate for, like, months" just sits at his fingertips, but marcus still can't bring himself to say as much. pride, etc. he doesn't want billy to know he's already rescinded on whatever display of backbone he managed to come into this city with. ... but at the same time, he has enough lies to keep track of, so. middle ground. ]

i might contract with him. i don't want to be... you know. punished for being too anti-establishment.
not now that i've been around long enough to see what this city does to its people.
but i don't want to turn my back on my morals, either.

you're as much of a rebel as i am, though. maybe even more of one. and you've already signed. so.
you wouldn't think any less of me if i got a contract.
right?

Edited 2021-07-05 15:23 (UTC)

???
no.
i only really signed a contract so that i could get better food and shit for us, you know
it hasn't been that bad so far though
i don't have to do anything weird and nobody bosses me around
so it's kind of like the contract doesn't even exist

[ he means geralt doesn't - people in the city still look down on him sometimes, treat him kind of shitty especially when he's alone, but - that has nothing to do with contracts. that would still happen either way. ]

why, do you think less of me for doing it?

mm.

of course i don't.
just — you know.
it's that thing.
someone else makes a mistake, you know that they're only human, you know that they're still a good person. you make a mistake, and you sit in your room in the dark and tell yourself you're a fucking idiot and that nobody will ever love you.
your friend gets a contract, and you see it for the survival tactic that it is. you get a contract, and suddenly you're a class traitor who loves sucking boots and pledging your allegiance.
you know?
please tell me this is relatable and that i'm not being depressing again.

i mean yeah, kinda
but i think you're also kind of looking at it too deeply
you wouldn't sign with anyone that wanted to force you to do weird bullshit
i don't think signing a 3 month contract is pledging your allegiance
it's more like
covering your ass and making sure you get something to eat and a place to sleep that isn't infested with bugs
while we both try to figure out how to get around this shit without being thrown in jail

Edited 2021-07-05 15:45 (UTC)

yeah.
well, maybe i will. whatever happens happens.
thanks.
sorry.

[ ... ]

it's kind of a miracle that we haven't ended up in jail. here or back home.
what with all the violence, the law-breaking, the assassinations.
i never thought i would meet my quota here. kind of crazy that i've hit it every time.
i guess there's still time.
i'm bound to land myself in a cell eventually.
come and visit me when i do.

just make sure he's not a creepy asshole before hand
you're good at reading people, aren't you

also hahaha
i've come pretty close to being arrested back home a couple times
lucky for me cops are lazy motherfuckers who can't outrun a skateboard or keep track of a kid with neon green hair
the guards here seem way way more strict though so
i'm kind of surprised too
that neither of us have been taken in yet
also i'll jerk you off like three times in one day if that's what it takes to keep you out of jail
i'm just saying
not that i think it'll ever come to that, but
you know

kind of?
i mean, i'm good at assuming the worst about people. i can prepare myself if he turns out to be a scumbag.
you don't need to worry about me, though.
tate's way too skinny to be a threat.

i don't think it ever needs to come to that for you to jerk me off three times in one day.
i mean, i'm game for that anytime. you just have to ask.

yeah, but so am i
and i could take you

[ marcus could probably kick his ass, but he's just messin' anyway ]

you ever jerk someone off during a natural disaster before

[ not that this flood counts as a natural disaster... yet. ]

in a fight?

[ just checking. you know, given the tone of this conversation. ]

is that an invitation or a rejection
sometimes it's hard to tell

what if i just don't specify

[ hm. is this pushing a boundary? ]

actually
i will specify that it's not a rejection

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